What is a REAL woman anyway?

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There is so much debate over the media's impact on women and self esteem. On the one hand, we are supposed to love our bodies, no matter what the shape or size. Embracing ourselves just the way we are seems to be a common theme among talk show hosts and columnists alike. On the other hand, however, we are bombarded with messages that we need the latest this or that to make us thinner, prettier, younger, healthier, richer, more popular, etc. Whew! It can really confuse even the most grounded of girls out there.

As a school counselor, I see many young women and men who struggle with self-image on a daily basis. As a counseling intern, I remember co-leading a girl's group on self esteem when we began to talk about body types. The goal of the session was to help the girls identify the ways in which the media uses advertising to get us to feel a certain way about ourselves so we buy their products. One girl made a comment about "skinny models" and the other girls quickly jumped on board, ready to bash any woman they found among the pages who was tall and thin. Just then, the counselor I was working with made the comment that we must be careful about going too far in the other direction, that there are some women out there who are naturally tall and skinny just like there are those who are more pear shaped or "big boned". It was a light-bulb moment for me to think about what she was saying.

So often we are taught that real women are not skinny or thin or model-like at all. Real women have curves, hips, thighs, meat on their bones. But, the counselor was right. Some women are just naturally small. Does that mean they are no longer "real"? What is real? Why do we as women feel that we can only be validated if we devalue someone who is different? I say ALL women are real women.

I walked away from group that day, hoping that the girls took away the same message that I did. You don't have to stand in opposition to something or someone to find the beauty within yourself. Someone else does not have to become ugly or less than just so you can be worthy. I guess in the same way, we can apply this to other beauty standards like skin color or hair type/texture. One does not have to be made bad so that the other is good. Light is not better than dark, dark is not better than light. Equally, natural is not better than permed just like permed is not better than natural. It is all good.

What's your opinion?