These girls rock!: Kay, the free spirit

I've introduced you to Ann. Here's another positively awesome friend I think I should tell you about. Her name is Kay. Aged, 30-something. A free spirit, take life as it comes and truly try to make the best of it. Lives in California. She is California.

Kay and I met through another mutual friend when I was considering moving to Chicago.  It was over email, and one of the first things Kay told me was to NEVER, EVER MOVE TO NAPERVILLE. Intense, I thought, but sure of herself. She’s moving out of Naperville, she said, because she’s the only working woman in town apparently, and it’s too far from her job in Chicago and she’s done with feeling out of place. Do you work? she asked me. Yes. And you plan to keep working? Yes, I said. Then don’t live anywhere past Oak Park. Otherwise, stay in Chicago. I clicked with Kay instantly before we even met face to face.

Kay reminds me so much of Tina Fey whose piece in the New Yorker regarding motherhood and professionalism struck a chord with me.  Kay actually resembles Tina.  Kay is an IO psychologist. She’s hilarious, takes life as it comes, and is one of the sharper knives in the drawer. She’s also a mother of three boys. She’s fiercely protective of her career and her profession is a passion.  But, what I love about Kay is that whenever we hang out, I leave my neuroses at the door and step in.

A sample visit two summers ago, she set out a kiddie pool for all our boys, and my daughter who was about 12 months or so.  She signs up for whatever her toddler boys want to do such as:

· Paint your fingers a bright shade of red? Check

· Dye your hair blond and mold it into a Mohawk? Check  

· Run around naked and play with plastic swords with your brother? Check

· Dump food coloring into the kiddie pool to see what colors we can make? Check

· Wear your batman outfit for the next week? Check

Kay's cute boys, and mommy's sculpted hair 

I’d like to say that I would sign up for all these but my answers to the following are likely to be: 

No, no, no, no, and maybe for two days. 

Kay on the other hand would facilitate all these activities, let the boys run themselves silly with fun, set out a bottle of wine for us, and we kick our feet back and gossip about the latest round of divorces among thirty-something year olds.  And meanwhile, my 12-month old daughter has just taken a huge gulp of the colored water while I wasn’t looking. I try to look relaxed, Kay senses my neuroses, and comforts me.  The drop of bleach will kill the germs, she reminds me.

Next up: hand sanitizer for all children, organic grapes and carrots, homemade popsicles to cool off, and more running around.  We continue with our bottle of wine. With Kay, I let go of the stress of work (which we talk about), I let the kids pretty much do as they please (and they survive and enjoy themselves), and I have a blast.

Kay

Kay has since moved back to California, and I’ve moved to Washington DC. I never want to lose touch with her, and I stay connected through Facebook where she posts updates on organizational disasters she has to fix, people in denial about their problems, measurement, and of course, the boys and their latest shenanigans.

P.S. When I did live in a neighborhood where I was the only working full-time mom, I felt exactly what Kay described a few years before-out of place, despite how nice they all were. It's a hard things to feel, just as she described.